"my sleep schedule is officially effed."
- I made the executive decision to do laundry & yoga.
"Just had the best last date with A-."
-
He wants me to come to his house party friday night, but is a little embarrassed about me seeing him super drunk and being with his friends. I told him it’d be nice to see him (but idk if I want my last memory of him to be sober and sweet now or drunk & worse later)
R- is coming over at 8. Gotta get prepped for date #2.
I still can’t believe this is happening.
"A- is leaving next friday."
-
I’m going to try to see him this week and try to say goodbye. I really don’t want to take him away from anything during his last weeks.
It’ll be sad, but it really is the best ending. It still hurts, I’ll miss him.
One door closes, another opens.
So last night A- cancelled our date.
R- asked me out.
It was finally 2 and R- came and picked me up in his car. Yes, car. So rare in the city. He even remembered where I lived! Didn’t have to give him my address. Anyways off to the botanical garden.
We had such a fun time. Just talking and geeking out over plants. And yes we found the occasional benches for sweet kisses. It was kind of funny, we were chatting at one and an older couple was getting photos taken. We found out they were there for their 25th anniversary. We gave them our bench for photos and congratulated them.
R- is so sweet. I love that he makes me want to be a better person. If I were to launch into a long term relationship, it’d probably bet on him.
But. I forgot my parents & sister were coming over from the city. They saw a baseball game and wanted dinner with me, but it was somehow 5 and R- and I were still at the garden. Oops. He drove me home and I literally ran from his car to my lobby to my parent’s car when they pulled up.
My sister spilled the beans about me being at a date. So I had to explain why I hadn’t checked my phone and who I was on a date with. My mom was like “Oh, he should’ve come to dinner with us.” hahaha “No, mom. I don’t think that’s an option on a first date, sorry.”
I’m feeling a little battered. S- is gonna flip when she finds out R- and I were on a date. A- has been MIA for about a week,txting does not count for much with me, you should see me. and I don’t know how hurt he’ll be if I decide to end things. I don’t know if he even wants to see me anymore because he’s here with his best friend from Ireland. I don’t want to keep him away from that. And he’s leaving no matter what. R- on the other hand will be here at school with me.
So I might have a bit of a firestorm to go through if I chose to be with R-. But it’s worth it. S- has had so many chances with R-, and R- can make his own decisions. I don’t want to get blamed for falling for R-, and him being interested in me.
Got home from a lovely dinner with the family & they even took me grocery shopping!
One of the last things my mom said was “You look happy.” It’s funny because she’s seen me after a day with A- and a day with R-. She only said this after R-.
Thoughts?
50 Shades of Gray…
Got up early. Studied up. Took my midterm.
Not sure how I’ll do, but I am proud of how much time I spent prepping. I’m not too stressed about that.
Went out that night at 11:30 with S-. (R-’s event started at like 8:30, so he and N- were txting me like “we’re waiting” but I didn’t feel like going it alone with a bunch of strangers. So I waited til S- got off of work) Got there and had so much fun. Met some cool new people and played so many drinking games. But what do you expect from frat boys? Embarrassed myself playing Mario Cart. I’m terrible at video games, plus drunk driving just made it worse hah
Decided to go over to an apt party. Got there and one of the guys was like you came late! Shots! So we all tossed one back. bleck we had been drinking for a while now
And all of a sudden N- goes over to the sink. R- & I were confused until S- was like “N- trash! Trash! trash!”. N- threw up in the sink. Poor guy! We gave him water and carried on with the night.
S- played beer pong while R- & I smoked hookah with another guy. They tried to teach me smoke rings. But idk if I can do it. I felt like half of what they were saying were lies. “Purse your lips.” “Open your mouth a little wider.” “tilt your head more.” haha
So Riley and I got to touching. You know how when you’re standing side by side your hands hang down? Well we started like tracing the backs of our hands. It was sweet and I wasn’t ready to have PDA in front of S-.
N- stalked out at somepoint. I don’t know if he was sick or having a drama queen moment if he saw me and R-.
The party winded down and R- was like “the night’s not over yet.” So we went back to S-’s apt & watched an episode of 30 Rock. one of my fave shows During which R- put his arm around me and I got to cuddle up to his chest. I love to be held After the show ended all 3 of us were talking. But it kind of turned into R- and I just chatting. I kept trying to include S- but it wasn’t going to well. She got up to use the bathroom and…
R- leaned in and kissed me.
I could’ve died right there. He’s so perfect for me I just can’t even explain. I didn’t think he would be into me at all and then this.
I heard S- coming so I kind of eased back. I didn’t want her to walk in on us kissing. Just because she has had a crush on R- for a while. And we talked about how great he was and I even said she and he should get together.
We checked the clock and it was like 5:30 am. Whattt. So we piled into S-’s car and R- gave us directions to an amazing look out spot to watch the sunrise. I kind of wished S- wasn’t there so R and I could have the most amazingly romantic moment ever
But we got there and it was SO foggy! We couldn’t see anything. It was really grey and kind of cold. R- was sweet and held me to block the wind.
S- drove me home & I slept til noon.
Woke up to 3 txt messages.
1. Even though I told E- I didn’t think I could go to the market with him he was like “Wakey wakey I got your txt. If you’re up we can meet at 10:30 otherwise I will go it alone.” Poor guy. I definitely was sleeping.
2. Sarah mad at me for being with R- last night. “I don’t want this to come off the wrong way, but I’m kinda hurt about the way you and R- were holding hands and such yesterday. Even on the 4th I noticed you guys were like that. I know that R- and I are just friends and I’m not trying to get at him anymore and if he likes you then cool! That’s awesome cause he’s a great guy, but the fact that you let him put his arm around you and hold your hand really bothers me because I said I was interested in him and you still let that happen. You even said how you wanted us to get together. And you have A- on top of all this. Idk if you guys are exclusive or not and it’s not my business but it seems like you really like him. Anyways, I don’t want to make a big deal about this, especially because I’m over trying to get at Riley, but I just wanted you to know how I’ve been feeling cause we’re friends and I want to be honest with you.”
3. From N- “Can we grab a bite today? I really want to make up for yesterday”
In the meantime, A- was supposed to go to a party last night (without me) but it got cancelled. Then we made plans to see each other tomorrow. I was really excited to take him this place, get take out and go up to a park with an amazing view and picnicking.
Then “A-. I gotta call tomorrow off. Im sorry. R-’s american relatives want to meet us tomorrow. Im really sorry”
R- got my number last night and hasn’t txted me. I would txt him but I don’t know what to say. I also want to talk about the whole S- situation, but that’s a face-to-face thing.
I’m kind of exhausted. I went from being so happy to so let down so quickly.
I just took an amazing shower & now I’m listening to all the songs that cheer me up.
Thoughts?
I don’t even know what to say.
So I kind of sorted it. I’m just a little offput by jumping from guy to guy all weekend.
Friday night- play video games & drinking with R- & N-. Even though despite his best efforts, N is friend zoned. A little worried about going over to see them & 5 strangers. I could go later with S-, but she’s going to be 2 hours late. Also a little awkward because we’re both crushing on R-. But she’s had so many chances with him. & who says I even have a chance? We’ll just see what happens.
Saturday afternoon- have A- come over and hopefully he’s not too hungover. Try not to grill him about not inviting me/telling me what he’ll be hungover from. I respect his time with the guys, so I always get really anxious about him seeing other girls. I really don’t feel like getting played. He’s charming, but his Irish ass better be faithful or I’m walking.
Sunday- Hopefully A- stays over and we can do something fun all day. Then I’ll send him away because I have lecture Monday morning & homeboy never gets up before noon. We’ve talked about this before. I’ll be to lecture and back before he even thinks about waking up. It’d be just a little weird to have him in my apt without me.
why does everyone suddenly want to see me?
I really don’t understand. I’m the same girl I always was.
glad I evened my tan.
The reason I now make tea in a pot.
What I do instead of studying…
Decided to run out & pick up a few groceries just to get out of the apt…
On the receipt: strawberries.dark chocolate covered almonds.self-tanner.
So now I’m chillin in my kitchen in my underwear… evening my tan, eating chocolate & strawberries.
Listening to the Strokes & completely loving this moment.
Two timing Thursday
So today/yesterday I spent with two guys.
From 1-9pm I was with A-. We did our typical thing of just chilling. He’s NEVER HAD A PB&J BEFORE! So I made him one for lunch. (I’d never had Irish Breakfast tea from an Irishman, so that’s what he made me). We listened to music & google-mapped Dublin and had hours of great talking. I love when he’s over, he’s so sweet. But idk if we’re exclusive and he hasn’t been working on a job so he might be gone soon.
I got a txt from S- asking if I wanted to see Ted. umm yes!
I walk out to get picked up by her and the car and a strange one pulls up. The back door pops open and I cautiously like wander over. R- was driving! One of his frat bros came along in the passenger seat & S- was in the back.
hah they tried to give me a hard time, but I don’t just hop into cars with strangers!
I let S- sit next to R-. As much as I wanted to sit next to him But nothing happened!
In the meantime, R- was super chatty and brought up my hometown, my roommate and our long walk from the marina. I def think there’s some chemistry between us. I’m sad I couldn’t really let anything happen. But at least I was a good friend to S-, and gave her a chance with R-.
But how many more chances does she need?
I don’t want to be a bad friend, but I really want things to work out with R-.
A- is so sweet. But he’s not perfect. R- is kind of the best thing going for me and I don’t want to miss out on it.
I should be studying more ochem, but my social life has been ridic lately. I don’t feel like cutting it short.
